To all who follow this daily ramble... but most of all to Kim and Zoe,
I am most assuredly not an expert on all of these new-fangled, modern medical developments and the early arrival of Zoe, I must admit, has placed me in the position of trusting solely in the Lord, cuz I sure as heck better not be trusting in myself!
Now don't get me wrong... I realize that this is a real good place to be and over the years trusting in myself has been a recipe for disaster or at least going down the wrong paths of life but today [well this morning at least], was different. Today, when I saw the photos that Kim took last night, I realized that I was looking at something that wasn't so strange... wasn't so foreign. Here was something that I could relate to for here was the reassuring picture of a father and daughter. Heck I have been here twice myself. I am an expert [of sorts] at this! This is something I can wrap my head around, this is something I can understand... and more to the point, I know exactly how Phil is feeling and what he is thinking.
You fathers out there know what I am talking about, right?
The feelings are this strange amalgamation of pride and fear, of immense joy and abject terror. She is so small... so fragile... so precious. You wonder if you are up to the task. Are you strong enough for her, are you brave enough? Will you be able to measure up in her eyes?
You want the very, very best for her but you also want to keep her all to your self...
... But you won't do that.
You know that you will watch her grow up, you will feel every bump and bruise, every heartbreak and every triumph that she feels (but you will never let on that you empathize, lest she think that you are somehow weak). You will watch her gain independence and feel elated that she is 'her own women' and at the same time dread that 'you are no longer needed'. In time, this misconception will pass... but the ache will remain, yet the ache is a 'good ache'. It's just a Dad thing.
It is a bittersweet tale when daddy and daughter first meet. Enjoy this time Phil, and may God bless you with the chance to live it over and over again. For me, God has blessed me twice with the chance and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
... and Zoe, know that you are holding the heart of the man that is holding you and despite what he might say, his heart is just as fragile as you are.
- JL
3 comments:
I totally agree with your comments, after beginning to raise two beautiful little girls... =:^)
We are still praying and reading up on Zoe every day. Phil's Uncle (Mark Casmer) is a member at our church and keeps us informed as well. The miracle that God is accomplishing is beyond words. What a comfort to know that He had all this planned out in eternity, before the world was even created! Zoe is a witness to many and she doesn't even know it! God bless you with many,many more hours of snuggling your little sweetie!
Laura Schroeder (Pastor and family as well!)
We are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10
They witness best who witness with their lives.
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